I am very satisfied right now, a subdued joy in my heart.
I had another great piano lesson! After I played for my professor, he said “very good” many times with a smile. I’m working on a difficult fast Bach piece and I tackled it almost perfectly during the lesson. It’s not the fact that he thought I did well, I can tell that there’s improvement and that’s motivating me even more. I’m less and less intimidated by my piano professor, who is a concert pianist and does masterclasses. I’m so lucky he’s my professor. I used to be nervous to play at my lessons, and now I can sit on the bench and just play.
My self-perception of my abilities is a little bit sad. I don’t consider myself a good enough pianist to be at music school. In fact, I don’t know how I got into Meadows. I haven’t played a single Sonata with 3 movements, didn’t have a teacher for 4 years to guide me through college auditions. Despite all that, I’m trying to tell myself “hey, I am actually good enough! I deserve to be here!” Part of the reason I am doubting myself is because I compare myself to talented musicians here..
Piano culture is competitive, in my opinion. I don’t experience that a lot at my university, luckily. But I myself am a naturally competitive person and I compare myself a lot to my peers. I know I shouldn’t but I do.. They are incredibly talented and it would take me years to get to their level. I’m among good company who will being me up to their level, eventually. My goal at music school is to be the student who improves the most.
It’s not about what you can do, it’s how much you grow.
I tell myself every day “I want to be the student who improves the most”.
I am going to work hard and see where I end up.
I want to be a sponge, attend masterclasses, watch piano competitions to be inspired.
I’m in competition with myself to see how much I can improve from when I took my first piano lesson here.
That is why I have my YouTube channel, to document the process of music school. Every week I post a piano video, and over 2 years there will be obvious progress. If you subscribe to my channel you can hear different pieces: Elisa marina.
Thanks for reading!